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Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Geraldo Versus Bill, and A Moron Named Cho



So whats worse, 2 scumbag spin journalists fighting over illegal immigrants on TV; or an obvoiously deranged 23 year old (who should've been in in-patient therapy) who buys 2 weapons and kills 32 people on a college campus? In Toxie's opinion they're both part of the problem.

Lets start with Geraldo, (shown below at his induction into the Taliban) who is a failed tele-journalist, that looks for any oppurtunity to ham it up in front of the camera. While I do respect his early work on Willowbrook reform, since he has become the patron saint of Trash TV. Anyone who thinks I'm being too harsh just think back to Al Capone's Vaults, or what about his talk show's Satanism special? Here's a quote:

In 1987, he hosted the first of a series of prime time special reports dealing with an alleged epidemic of Satanic ritual abuse. He stated:
Estimates are that there are over 1 million Satanists in this country ... The majority of them are linked in a highly organized, very secretive network. From small towns to large cities, they have attracted police and FBI attention to their Satanic sexual child abuse, child pornography and grisly Satanic murders. The odds are that this is happening in your town.



Okay Senor' Loco, glad you're on top of identifying this impending Satanism problem. Too bad that Neo-Nazi skinhead didn't knock some sense back into your head with a chair.











Moving on to our next pillar of moral integrity, meet Bill O'Reilly (seen below on vacation in the Carribean).



He rambles rants and raves about no-spin, and moral responsibility, yet he makes a live-to-tape news program (so producers can edit guest interviews), and in 2004, settled 2 sexual harrassment cases out of court. He's just as vile as Senor Rivera, just the flip side of the trash coin. Look at the company he's proud to keep, the Nazi Viper Lady herself, Ann Coulter.















Finally, I'll waste as little time as possible on Seung-Hui Cho, a weak, pathetic individual who cannot accept his own social awkwardness, so he decides to blame everyone else.


Sad thing is so many teens and twenty-somes experience the loneliness and need to fit in that this "sissy" felt. Most people don't go after un-armed combatants and call themselves a revolutionary. See if this idiot spent less time watching Park Chan-wook (Oldboy) and Matrix movies, and more time embracing the teachings of other South-Asians like Long Duk Dong, maybe he wouldn't have felt so alone.






I mean The Donger had a hard time fitting in, but with the help of alot of Old Style beer and grandpa's car, he got a "new-style American girlfriend" and even grabbed Jake Ryan's scrotum.

On top of all that this guy's writing is terrible, even for an English major. I read his 2 plays, Richard McBeef and Mr. Brownstone, and they're as entertaining as a mongoloid transvestite. Just read below what his own professors said:

Edward Falco, a playwriting professor at Virginia Tech, has acknowledged that Cho wrote both plays in his class. The plays are less than 12 pages long and have several grammatical and typographical errors. Falco believed that Cho was drawn to writing because of his difficulty communicating orally. Falco said of the plays, "They're not good writing, but at least they are a form of communication."
Another professor who taught Cho characterized his work as "very adolescent" and "silly", with attempts at "slapstick comedy" and "elements of violence."







In the end, if it was so bad Cho, you should have just aced yourself. This didn't make you a tough guy or a hero, just a pathetic footnote in history.


Geraldo, Bill, and Cho. How do these 3 morons fit together?



1.) They all think they are more important in the grand scheme than they really are, and that makes them dangerous.

2.) Which is worse than the other? In terms of loss-of-life Cho, but verbally the other 2 are every bit as poisonous to social conscience.

3.) What do we do about them? Rise up in the cafeterias and stab them with your plastic forks!! No, really thats the hard thing to answer. People can start by turning them off, turn off the O'Reilly Factor, turn off Rivera at Large, turn off news broadcasts showing the stupid clips from this lunatics ravings. These people want you to look at them!! Oh yeah, to anyone who ever needs a friend....



















Monday, April 16, 2007

Toxic Canidates For Social, Economic, and Government Reform


With the 2008 election stretch under way, and racial/social tensions at an all time high (see stupid cowboy wannabe and racism salesmen below).













VS:






The Toxic Life has been trying to think what kind of leader could fix America right now? So in spirit of the season, here are The Toxic Life's Top 7 canidates for change.


7.) Hillary Clinton - The former first lady and current senator, has a rockstar husband (who she obviously couldn't satisfy in bed), and a political-ambition complex that can't be matched. She likes socialized medicine and generally believes the American public to be composed of buffoons who need government control. But, I really like her bath cakes, they keep my skin so soft!
















6.) Towelie (from South Park) - He's popular with the younger set, understands our nation's drug problem, and has a great campaign slogan:

5.) Fred Dalton Thompson - He's a senator (so he knows politics), he stars in Law & Order (so he understands boredom), he was in Days of Thunder starring Tom Cruise and produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and Don Simpson (so he understands how to work with homosexuals and untalented money-hungry people), and most of all he's got a smokin hot wife who's almost 40 years his junior (so he knows the joys of a viagra and sparks cocktail).




Also of note he was at the signing of the Declaration of Independence (see below).




















4.) Peter Griffin (of Family Guy) - Everyday working class guy (with an IQ Forrest Gump would be proud of), attractive wife (Lois), and a genius child (Stewie). Plus, with politician friends like Bill Clinton you know he'd do a good job.



3.) Jesse Jackson - He spouts racial slurs (called New York "Himeytown"), has an illigitmate child from a 20 year affair, seems to magically appear at every racial problem oppurtunity, and loves to slander white Duke University lacrosse players and not apologize. Wow, just the kind of hypocrite America needs.









2.) Barack Obama - A current senator, leader in government reform, and all around nice guy. Unfortunately, he probably won't garner much help from his party, due to their affinity for W.A.S.P. (White Anglo Saxon Protestant) canidates who claim to be liberal.


1.) The Lord Humongous - We at The Toxic Life throw our support behind "The Ayatollah of Rockin Rolla" from Mad Max: The Road Warrior. He carries a big gun, doesn't seem too concerned about girls or race relations, and if you get out of line he unleashes his "Dogs of War" upon you.












Most of all, if he can bring scarred, mutated, sub-humans together in a post-apocalyptic desert; just think what he could do for America.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

Max Wright - Father, Actor, Pervert


Meet Max Wright, star of award-winning movies such as All That Jazz,








popular family sitcoms, such as ALF,









Beloved family man,













and, most importantly, crack addict with a taste for unprotected sex with homeless men that makes Bumfights look tame.






















As seen below, in sickening detail, our good friends at the National Enquirer (scumbag dirtrag) have pics and the whole story on Max's charitable work with the poor.

Here's the basic story. Closeted Hollywood star's (refer to our March 17 "Male Queens of the Silver Screen" story for more) wife (Linda) grows tired of being a "beard" (somebody explain this concept to Liza Minelli)

and kicks said deviant (Max) out to live with his gay lover (the guy who got paid for giving this story and pictures to the Enquirer). To put the worries of what his maritial problems are doing to his children (Ben and Daisy)












Ben Wright studying hard at college




















Daisy Wright optimistic about her future

Max does what any caring father would, and
turns to smoking copious amounts of crack and
unprotected intercourse with homeless men. Now

don't get me wrong, Max at least paid these men

($100.00) for their time and fed them (Crack and

penis). All of us could learn from Max's bravery, in

reaching out (erectly) to the homeless. After all,

Hollywood can be a rough place. Just look at this

picture of what ALF (a.k.a. Gordon Schumway) has

been doing since his TV days of fame.