The Name Game

So what's in a name? Apparently quite alot. If your name is Paris Hilton, it means you probably won't do your 45 days in jail. Not beacause you were found innocent, not because you learnedyour lesson, but because it's really your publicist's fault.

If your last name is Windsor, people will treat you as if you have some political input, or even a clue about the lifestyles of the people you "rule."If your last name is Povich, you can act like you have a responsible news program. Truth is you actually touch only 3 different topics; teen girls gone wild, paternity tests, and hidden video. Thats because they best allow you to exploit the lower income edge of society.

If your last name is Couric, you accept a record-breaking amount of money to revive a dead franchise. When you don't live up to your job though, you basically turn a blind eye to your own failure.

If you last name is Ray, you shamelessly accept any marketing or franchise deal that comes your way no matter how moronic (see her new Healthy/Organic Dunkin Donuts campaign).
If your last name is Willis, somehow you believe that what the world really needs is another Die Hard movie (or to hear you sing the blues).

Sad as it may seem, name dictates power over the general public. But, why doesn't demand? Accept as little as possible that these so called "IMPORTANT People" shove down your throat. That makes your own opinion and eventually you....IMPORTANT.

One more thing, I've found my new calling and it's as a advertising and marketing specialist for McDonalds. You may ask how Toxie came to this decision? Well just yesterday I strolled into the local Mickey D's, and was promptly asked by the mongoloid at the register if I'd like to try their new Minty Mudbath shake with my number 11 combo. "Minty what?" I respond. "Mudbath. We also have a new Swamp Sludge McFlurry." she drools at me. "You're freakin kidding, right?" I retort. Listen, if some ad exec can stand up before the McDonalds board of directors and pitch "mudbath" and "sludge" to describe a new food item, why can't I? Here are some new flavor ideas I'm including with my resume submission:

Fleshy Tonguebath

Salty Toncilwash

Lemony Footsoak

Berry Crackgrit

or my new McFlurry flavors:

Landfill Lime

Cesspool Cream

Afterbirth Smoothie

and my personal favorite....Peach and Placenta.

Since the standards seem so unbelievably low to work in this field, I'm sure I'll go far.