BRITNEY SPEARS - Mom Of The Year

Upon hearing that Britney Spears lost her two children for non-compliance with a court ordered drug and alcohol test, a couple of things came to mind: Is she really that bad a parent by Hollywood standards, and is K-Fed really a better option? If she's really that bad, here are some Hollywood pillars of society that are much better:

Joan Crawford - better known as "Mommie Dearest" - a sweet caring physically and emotionally abusive, alcoholic, nymphomaniac, bi-sexual, sweetheart. She wa allowed to adopt and ruin the lives of 5 children.

Bing Crosby - A tender loving soul, who gave his son heartfelt advice like, "stay away from alcohol ("It killed your mother") and suggested he smoke pot instead." His eldest son Gary wrote a book about their relationship, depicting Bing as cold, remote, and both physically and psychologically abusive. Two of Bing's children, Lindsay and Dennis, committed suicide. It was widely published at the time of Lindsay's December 11, 1989 death that he ended his life the day after watching his father sing "White Christmas" on television.

Judy Garland - Dorothy from Wizard of Oz - She spawned was has come to be known as Liza Minelli, and showed her love by staying addicted to barbituates, forcing her daughter to raise her other siblings, competing with her own daughter on stage, and most importantly not genetically blessing her daughter with GAYDAR (i.e. how else do you explain David Gest).

The demon known only as Kathie Lee Gifford - She forces her crazed religious beliefs on her children, her incessant desire for stardom, her misplaced beliefs she had a steady marriage as well. Worst of all, I believe she wakes them every day singing that horrible Carnival Cruise Line theme song.

If those people aren't bad enough, just look at more recent examples:

"Mommy, did you really drink that retarded, murderer from Slingblade's blood, and why won't grandpa Jon talk to us?"

Do I even really need to theorize what Suri Cruise's first word will be?

I say forced sterilization for all of these lunatics including Ms. Spears (a.k.a. the "Fat Pig"). Before she Oops...and does it again.